Saturday, August 21, 2010

disappear and "fade away"...

"More often than not I keep forgetting
True love it can never end in sorrow.
I hope and I pray for comfort
that never seems to come..."
I secretly hate this time of year.
Mid-August. My ex's birthday looms around this time.
The memory is kind of like that scar you look at and think, "Remember when you cut/burned yourself on that..."
I'm rubbing that scar now, reliving that moment.

"They say what don't kill you makes you stronger
So why am I lying on the carpet
convinced that I sit still I will slowly wash away..."

I stopped by your place after a late work the following Wednesday night after I returned from a RenFest weekend.
You were sitting in your living room, at the far right end with your coffee table and ashtray close by.
I said I couldn't stay long, but wanted to give you your present.
Reluctantly, you let me in, though you wanted to be alone, hoping to dissolve from all your work related woes.
I handed you a clumsily wrapped shirt box which you looked at it like "oh dear, I better say I like it even if it sucks".

You opened the gift to find a gray sweatshirt with 4 handpainted wolves.
"See, like the wolf pack." I pointed out each wolf and recited his dog's name and his friend's dogs - all which were litter mates.
He smiled slowly then thanked me for gift, then kissed me.

I left for home, not quite sure of what he thought. At work, he's dressed to the 9's. Creases crisp, collars startched, hair perfect.
Would he like the offer of comfort, casual, heartfelt?

"Even though these feelings are never brand new,
They kinda make you wanna believe that they're true,
But in time, you'll see this misery will fade,
That's just how these things do and your problems will..."
A couple days later, he asked me over.
He greeted me, wearing the shirt I gave him.
He loved how good he looked in it and how comfortable it was.

Hugs and the loving arm around my back followed.
My head on his shoulder, with his head on mine.
Kisses lead to warmth and comfort.
His hand caressing my face, offering suggestions of closed doors
My lips reciprocating suggestions, his responding with twinkling eyes and butterfly lashes

Lips, tongue, skin, taste, feel, heart, soul...can't believe it's 11:30p...where did the time go?

More than words spoken, a mutual look spoke volumes...

"I wish I could
disappear and fade away
this disappointment seems too overwhelming
(disappear and fade away)
can't understand it please somebody help me..."
Sometimes love isn't enough. What was limitless to me demonstrated boundaries for you. I wish I could show you how limitless you really are...

Scars heal. Time passes. Yet I wish I could (disappear and fade away)...

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